David Stern is PISSED Bron Bron couldn't seal the deal..... hopefully the Magic give the Lakers SOME type of competition before Kobe gets his 4th ring... p.s.... i HATE KOBE!!!!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
....... and I'm back, like I never left... what what?
Can't believe it's been over a year since I updated... ok.. i am going to do better. i promise... here are some funnies :-)
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen, not paper.
Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.
In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
The ZIP in "ZIP code" means Zoning Improvement Plan.
315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa Löwenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
If you sneeze too hard & you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON'T TRY IT)About 200 million M&Ms are eaten each day in the United States.
Falling coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That's more than are killed by sharks.
Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday.
The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget.
In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes.
Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald's.
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson", Humphrey Bogart NEVER said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca, James Cagney never said "You dirty rat" and Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty" on Star Trek.
The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).
The names of every continent ends with the same letter that it starts with (not counting the words "North" and "South).
About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity.
About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.
A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a "palindrome".
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary.
When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II gets only six inches per gallon of fuel that it burns.
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
An American urologist bought Napoleon's penis for $40,000.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT".
There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18.
80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs melted into it.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.
There are a million ants for every person on Earth.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S.
Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001).
Ostriches never bury their heads in the sand.
Judy Scheindlin ("Judge Judy") has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary.
In "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.
Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital.
Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.
The drummer for ZZ Top (the only one without a beard) is named Frank Beard.
Hummingbirds can't walk.
William Shatner is credited for being the first person on TV to say "hell" as well as to have the first inter-racial kiss (with Nichelle Nichols), both in episodes of Star Trek.
Pac-Man, Namco's 1979 arcade game, was originally called "Puck Man". The name was changed when they realized that vandals could easily scratch out part of the letter "P" and form an obscenity.
The youngest mother on record was a Peruvian girl named Lina Medina. She gave birth to a boy by caesarean section on May 14, 1939 (which happened to be Mother's Day), at the age of five years, seven months and 21 days.
Illinois has the most personalized license plates of any state.
The blue whale can produce sounds up to 188 decibels. This is the loudest sound produced by a living animal and has been detected as far away as 530 miles.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.
John Kerry's hometown newspaper, the Lowell Sun, endorsed George W. Bush for president in 2004. Bush's hometown newspaper, the Lone Star Iconoclast, endorsed John Kerry for president in 2004.
George W. Bush, who presents himself as a man of faith, practically never goes to church. Yet he received votes from nearly two out of three voters who attend church at least once a week.
If the recent U.S. election was held in Canada, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush in a landslide - 64% to 19%.
Al Gore's roommate in college (Harvard, class of 1969) was rocker Tommy Lee Jones.
Almost 25% of the billions of dollars American taxpayers are spending to rebuild Iraq are lost to theft, kickbacks and corruption.
Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job (in case their pants split).
Abraham Lincoln's dog, Fido, was assassinated too.
Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike each year than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
There's a company that will for $14,000 take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.
The biggest dog on record was an Old English Mastiff that weighed 343 pounds. He was 8 feet, 3 inches from nose to tail.
About 20% of gift cards never are redeemed.
Oprah Winfrey and Elvis Presley are distant cousins.
In September 2004, a Minnesota state trooper issued a speeding ticket to a motorcyclist who was clocked at 205 mph.
An employee of the Alabama Department of Transportation installed spyware on his boss's computer and proved that the boss spent 10% of his time working (20% of time checking stocks and 70% of the time playing solitaire). The employee was fired, the boss kept his job.
The leading cause of on-the-job deaths in workplaces in America is homicide.
George W. Bush and John Kerry are 16th cousins, three times removed.
A deployed air bag adds as much as $2,000 to the cost of repairing a vehicle. That's enough for insurance companies to often declare the car "totaled".
Jimmy Carter once reported a UFO in Georgia.
Amusement park attendance goes up after a fatal accident. It seems many people want to ride upon the same ride that killed someone.
People with initials that spell out GOD or ACE are likely to live longer than people whose initials spell out words like APE, PIG, or RAT.
Toto was paid $125 per week while filming the "Wizard of Oz".
Pope John Paul II was the world's Scrabble champion in the over-70 category.
Ted Turner owns 5% of New Mexico.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers.
The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug & Jeffrey Feiger.
According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.
"60 Minutes" on CBS is the only TV show to not have a theme song or music.
23% of employees say they have had sex in the office.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.
A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen, not paper.
Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.
In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
The ZIP in "ZIP code" means Zoning Improvement Plan.
315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa Löwenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
If you sneeze too hard & you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON'T TRY IT)About 200 million M&Ms are eaten each day in the United States.
Falling coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That's more than are killed by sharks.
Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday.
The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget.
In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes.
Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald's.
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson", Humphrey Bogart NEVER said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca, James Cagney never said "You dirty rat" and Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty" on Star Trek.
The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).
The names of every continent ends with the same letter that it starts with (not counting the words "North" and "South).
About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity.
About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.
A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a "palindrome".
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary.
When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II gets only six inches per gallon of fuel that it burns.
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
An American urologist bought Napoleon's penis for $40,000.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT".
There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18.
80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs melted into it.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.
There are a million ants for every person on Earth.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S.
Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001).
Ostriches never bury their heads in the sand.
Judy Scheindlin ("Judge Judy") has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary.
In "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.
Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital.
Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.
The drummer for ZZ Top (the only one without a beard) is named Frank Beard.
Hummingbirds can't walk.
William Shatner is credited for being the first person on TV to say "hell" as well as to have the first inter-racial kiss (with Nichelle Nichols), both in episodes of Star Trek.
Pac-Man, Namco's 1979 arcade game, was originally called "Puck Man". The name was changed when they realized that vandals could easily scratch out part of the letter "P" and form an obscenity.
The youngest mother on record was a Peruvian girl named Lina Medina. She gave birth to a boy by caesarean section on May 14, 1939 (which happened to be Mother's Day), at the age of five years, seven months and 21 days.
Illinois has the most personalized license plates of any state.
The blue whale can produce sounds up to 188 decibels. This is the loudest sound produced by a living animal and has been detected as far away as 530 miles.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.
John Kerry's hometown newspaper, the Lowell Sun, endorsed George W. Bush for president in 2004. Bush's hometown newspaper, the Lone Star Iconoclast, endorsed John Kerry for president in 2004.
George W. Bush, who presents himself as a man of faith, practically never goes to church. Yet he received votes from nearly two out of three voters who attend church at least once a week.
If the recent U.S. election was held in Canada, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush in a landslide - 64% to 19%.
Al Gore's roommate in college (Harvard, class of 1969) was rocker Tommy Lee Jones.
Almost 25% of the billions of dollars American taxpayers are spending to rebuild Iraq are lost to theft, kickbacks and corruption.
Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job (in case their pants split).
Abraham Lincoln's dog, Fido, was assassinated too.
Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike each year than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
There's a company that will for $14,000 take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.
The biggest dog on record was an Old English Mastiff that weighed 343 pounds. He was 8 feet, 3 inches from nose to tail.
About 20% of gift cards never are redeemed.
Oprah Winfrey and Elvis Presley are distant cousins.
In September 2004, a Minnesota state trooper issued a speeding ticket to a motorcyclist who was clocked at 205 mph.
An employee of the Alabama Department of Transportation installed spyware on his boss's computer and proved that the boss spent 10% of his time working (20% of time checking stocks and 70% of the time playing solitaire). The employee was fired, the boss kept his job.
The leading cause of on-the-job deaths in workplaces in America is homicide.
George W. Bush and John Kerry are 16th cousins, three times removed.
A deployed air bag adds as much as $2,000 to the cost of repairing a vehicle. That's enough for insurance companies to often declare the car "totaled".
Jimmy Carter once reported a UFO in Georgia.
Amusement park attendance goes up after a fatal accident. It seems many people want to ride upon the same ride that killed someone.
People with initials that spell out GOD or ACE are likely to live longer than people whose initials spell out words like APE, PIG, or RAT.
Toto was paid $125 per week while filming the "Wizard of Oz".
Pope John Paul II was the world's Scrabble champion in the over-70 category.
Ted Turner owns 5% of New Mexico.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers.
The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug & Jeffrey Feiger.
According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.
"60 Minutes" on CBS is the only TV show to not have a theme song or music.
23% of employees say they have had sex in the office.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.
A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!
Friday, April 11, 2008
When the S**T hits the fan
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING. When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY. The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE. A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK. When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH. The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME. Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER. A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N). A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS. A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR. Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH. A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE. A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON. A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET. A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED. A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
CROP DUSTING. When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY. The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE. A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK. When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH. The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME. Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER. A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N). A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS. A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR. Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH. A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE. A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON. A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET. A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED. A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Follow up to my previous thread about education
"Common sense, is not that common"
"Let he who would move the world first move himself" -Socrates
"Not having, is no excuse for not getting" - Sargeant Waters "A Soldier's Story"
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." - PLATO
"Never give advice; A wise man don't need it and a fool won't heed it."
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school"Albert Einstein
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do".-- Edward Everett Hale
"Let he who would move the world first move himself" -Socrates
"Not having, is no excuse for not getting" - Sargeant Waters "A Soldier's Story"
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." - PLATO
"Never give advice; A wise man don't need it and a fool won't heed it."
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school"Albert Einstein
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do".-- Edward Everett Hale
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Super Bowl CHAMPS!!!!!
So 32 days ago, the SUPER BOWL came and went. The combatants were the UNDEFEATED and UNSTOPPABLE New England Patriots versus my Flawed, Incomprehensible New York Giants
The game for the first three quarters was not the most aesthetically pleasing one, unless you were a Giants fan. With each hurry of Brady, each sack, each incompletion, you began to feel more comfortable that perhaps we WERENT going to go down as the biggest super bowl losers of all time. In 2000, we already had a bad showing. FUCKING RAVENS!!!!The 4th quarter came along and it began to hit me... MAYBE, JUST MAYBE... we could pull this off... then came the Mosss 4th quarter TD, orchestrated by the Tom Brady of old. My heart broke, no correction. My heart SHATTERED!!! Twas to good to be true it seemed. THEN CAME THE DRIVE...
Officially, anyone that KNOWS football knows that football teams belong to the QB...and in each qb's resume, those who go down in history have a MOMENT where they transcend an offensive play, a defensive scheme, a broken play, an audible. There is just this moment where nothing fazes them, and TWISM* occurs.
*TWISM is a phrase made popular by Shaquille O'Neal, and he received it from the movie SCARFACE. It succinctly stands for The World IS Mine. It comes at a point when the world is your oyster, and all one has to do is smell the aroma and SUCK out the juices.
Eli's escape from a sack that would have thwarted the Giants drive...David Tyree's catch that borders both improbable and impossible, the fade route TD that would eventually be enough to CLINCH the game and the championship. UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I wanted to wait for a while to make this post because I wanted it to sink in. I HONESTLY did not come into this season thinking we would win the super bowl. I came in thinking we would clinch a wild card and MAYBE make it to the divisional round. After the way the season went, that STILL remained my mindset. i KNEW we would beat the BUCS and EXPECTED a good showing against the 'Boys. After that WIN... I thought
-24 degree weather in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Looks like it will be two weeks of Brett Favre versus Tom Brady commentary. Then something happened. In between the tv shots of Tom Coughlins frozen and almost sickening face, and the up and down tempo of the game I started to believe.
Somewhere in between belief and disbelief there IS a certain way that you view things. Where you refuse to let yourself believe the impossible, but also refrain from being too realistic. That;s what this super bowl brought. When the clock ticked 0:00 and the clock read GIANT: 17; NE:14... I knew that not only history was made, but that for 364 days, my team will be the BEST in the world (metaphorically speaking).
I wanted to make sure that it was true... 32 days later Cinderella is STILL at the ball and it hasnt struck midnight... just 0:00
Friday, February 8, 2008
Some Interesting Chalk Art
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_Beever
Julian Beever
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Julian Beever
Mountain Dew advertisement in Union Square, New York by Beever.
Julian Beever is an English chalk artist who has been creating trompe-l'œil chalk drawings on pavement surfaces since the mid-1990s. His works are created using a projection called anamorphosis, and create the illusion of three dimensions when viewed from the correct angle.
Besides this pavement art, Beever also paints murals and replicas of the works of masters and oil paintings, and creates collages. He works as a freelance performance artist and creates murals for companies. He has worked in the UK, Belgium, France, The Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Denmark, Spain, the U.S., Australia and Brazil.
ENJOY!!!!!!
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image021.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image020.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image018.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image017.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image016.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image015.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image014.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image013.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image011.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image010.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image009.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image008.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image007.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image006.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image005.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image004.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image003.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image002.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image001.jpg[/IMG]
What do you guys think!?!?!
Julian Beever
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Julian Beever
Mountain Dew advertisement in Union Square, New York by Beever.
Julian Beever is an English chalk artist who has been creating trompe-l'œil chalk drawings on pavement surfaces since the mid-1990s. His works are created using a projection called anamorphosis, and create the illusion of three dimensions when viewed from the correct angle.
Besides this pavement art, Beever also paints murals and replicas of the works of masters and oil paintings, and creates collages. He works as a freelance performance artist and creates murals for companies. He has worked in the UK, Belgium, France, The Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Denmark, Spain, the U.S., Australia and Brazil.
ENJOY!!!!!!
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image021.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image020.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image018.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image017.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image016.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image015.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image014.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image013.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image011.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image010.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image009.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image008.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image007.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image006.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image005.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image004.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image003.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image002.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s88/siakdilly/image001.jpg[/IMG]
What do you guys think!?!?!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Revised State Mottos
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet.
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...And The Sheep Are Scared!
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet.
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...And The Sheep Are Scared!
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